Travel, Treats, Tips, & Traditions

Birth Mom Present : Baby Blanket

Posted on: by Kate

birthparent present

“A child born to another woman calls me “Mom.” The depth of that tragedy and the magnitude of that privilege are not lost on me.” Jody Landers

If you are an adoptive family and are blessed enough to be in contact with your child’s birth mother (parents) like we are, I would love to have you share with me some of the gifts you exchange.  As many of you know Little Miss C came to our family through semi open domestic private adoption. C’s Birth Mama wants limited contact, and honestly, with our family dynamic, that works best for us too; at least for now.  As C gets older we might get the chance for them to meet, but for now birth mama enjoys getting a card and pictures.  This year we wanted to send a Birth Mom Present.

We always send a card and lots of photos every birthday and Christmas.  This past birthday we sent an hand print card for Birth mama and she LOVED it so much!  She told our coordinator that she planned on framing it up and keeping it in her house!  Birth mama isn’t a real sentimental lady by nature, so that warmed my heart like I can’t even explain.

finished product handmade card

This is the third Christmas we will be sending Birth Mama a Christmas card, but this year I am wrapping up and mailing something extra special.  C is getting bigger now, at 2 1/2 she has a big girl bed and we have had to start parting with some of her baby things. *wipes tear*

So we are starting the process of deciding what to keep and what to pass down.  With all of the NICU and PICU stays, little Miss C acquired quite a few baby blankets.  In addition to all the special blankets donated to babies in the hospital, we had several passed down.  One baby blanket in particular was passed down by a friend and we swapped it out in her NICU crib for those sterile, unhappy hospital blankets on the second day.  Birth Mama noticed it one day when she visited the NICU and commented on how pretty and soft it was.  I showed her that the flowery blanket actually had Winnie the Pooh in the design; Birth Mama loves all things Disney.  “Oh, SOOOO pretty!” she said.  “I wish they made these for big people too!” and we sat there talking about C, how she was doing, what Birth Mama had for lunch, and the whole time she stroked the little blanket.  She commented again before she left that afternoon about how pretty that little blanket was, she squeezed C’s hand, and went along her way.

Baby C

As I started handing down blankets we simply couldn’t use anymore I knew I had to set aside that sweet blanket for Birth Mama.  I LOVE that blanket!  I love it because it is soft and pretty with a big baby pink ruffle, but I also love it because it was something Birth Mama loved, my daughter’s birth mother. I thought about our interaction about that little blankey just about every time I cuddled my little girl down in it.  In all honesty, I kinda want to keep it.  It is special to me and to my little girl.  I have a little anxiety as I pack it into a box,  possibly never to be seen again.  I’m just being honest, I know it is selfish, but that blanket means so much to me. I mean, what if Birth Mama doesn’t even remember that interaction? But I know she will, I know even if she doesn’t, she will know her sweet Baby C snuggled that blankey.

I know I need to send it, we get the great privilege of  raising C.  We’ve had 2  1/2 years with C; all her time on this Earth – we have been there for all the firsts, all the smiles, all the hugs, all the sass, and even all the scaries.  We will get to be there for all the rest too; and that is because Birth Mama made a choice.  For all kinds of reasons she chose adoption; but she didn’t exactly have to, and she didn’t have to choose us.

Birth Mama never asked anything of us (except for a Whopper with extra mayo once she was cleared to eat from something other than an IV in the hospital), and we know there is nothing we can give her that adequately meets what she gave us.  So I think I will push through my greedy desire to hoard this sweet little hand me down blanket.

I packed it in a box today and addressed it to Birth Mama’s little apartment she shares with Birth Papa.  I wish I could be a fly on the wall for when she opens that box.  I will settle for knowing in my heart it will make them smile.  Maybe someday she can tell me all about it.

Do you send gifts to a birth parent?  I would love your ideas too!

Until Next Time ~ Kate
Comments: 5 Responses
  1. Angela Quisumbing says:

    Kate, you are just amazing. This is such a touching story and I think it is awesome that you keep in touch with Birth Mama. I’m sure it was tough to part with that blanket, but you are right, you’ll get to have many more memories and collect more special mementos as she grows. Happy holidays.

    • Kate says:

      Thanks Angela! We are super blessed and I know it will be treasured by Birth Mama =) Happy Holidays to you and yours too!

  2. Jenn says:

    Thank you for writing this story, it touched my heart. We have adopted our granddaughter and her birth parents haven’t been in the picture since she was born. I admire your selflessness and ability to see things from C’s birth parents’ perspective. Our little one is three now and we will be introducing the subject of adoption with her soon. Can you give me any advice on how to broach the subject with your kind of grace? Thank you and Merry Christmas to you and yours.

    • Kate Hamernik says:

      Hi Jenn ~ Every adoption is so different – and it sounds like yours is particularly sensitive – I have a family member that was also adopted by her grandparents (birth mother never was in the picture, birth father was in and out and has recently passed away). There is a book we love called “God found us you” – there are also so many good adoption books for all ages & reasons for adoption. I think it is very important to honor a child’s loss (even if they are too young to remember – they have to first lose a first family to be adopted and I just don’t think that hole is ever closed up) – I think making sure they know families are all different and that is to be celebrated – i would also try to find playmates that have adoption in their family =) Merry Christmas to you too!

  3. ellen beck says:

    What a wonderful thing for you to do. I’m sure the blanket will bring happiness to C’s birth mother. Iam touched so much by the handprint. Its amazing that you are so open with all of this, and are in contact.

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